Bunch of bullshit I bet

I have a presentation in 18 minutes. I should be preparing more-- getting it down to it's proper time frame. But let's face it, I don't want to. I'll prepare during the presentation, fuck. If that's not procrastination then I sure as hell don't know what is. I'm ready for school to finish. Brother gave me a ride this morning and asked if this was my last semester? I have anxiety attacks when we talk about graduation. I needed to pull over and put my head between my legs. Not really, but you know what I mean. Anxiety. Nervousness. I'll just say it. Just say it.

what the fuck am I going to do with my life?

I wanna be a celebrity blogger. Someone pay me to blog, then maybe I'll actually do it more often. There's one New Year's resolution that epic failed. "blog every day," just like "wake up before noon," oh man. There are some things that I just cannot-- no, will not do. I could wake up before noon, Boss climbs my bed and wakes me up long before then, but when I get up, pee, let him out-- I return to bed. This is what I do. I will sleep until my eyes refuse to close anymore. My physics teacher once said to work hard, that we could sleep when we're dead. ha. So good. So true. But I wanna sleep now, even if you killed me tomorrow. Still, sleep is fun, fantastic even. So back to my anxiety attacks. I wantedto go to teacher's college this time last year. I've changed my mind. I don't want to teach you how to write. I could teach math. I like math. Cap it at the eleventh grade though, I couldn't do calculus for the life of me. I could teach some bullshit family studies courses if you want me to. Have you ever went over a teacher's college application before? It is so fucking stupid and in no way reflective of you will/skill in teaching. This is partially why I don't want to do it anymore. The fear of rejection I suppose. I don't want to bullshit through a whole application only for them to tell me to go fuck myself, in political terms of course. Maybe I'll babysit. Nad, would you pay me to be a full time babysitter? I was looking up internships wiht magazines/newspapers. But I don't want to be a journalist, I wanna skip all that bullshit and be the head honcho, tearing shit apart and reinventing mags and stories. Is this all too much to ask? I want to be a surgeon too, but I don't want to go to medical school, just fast forward to 2020 and I'm in the middle of some cardiac arrest and bring some fatty back to life. Oh man, what a plethora of word vomit. I'll pay off my debt, then mortgage a cottage. How do you feel about that. Mortgage a cottage and sit on a deck in one of those cool wooden lunge chairs, all fucking day. Oh man. Heavenly. Then. Then. Then. I remember that I'm graduating and I actually have to bring some reality to all of this. To where I could go and what I could do. I don't want to do any of it, but I want to do all of it. Holy paradox Batman. Shutup.



I annoy myself.




How can you even read this garbage.



Find me a job. career. I can a job. I can get any fucking job.



Where am I going?



To class.



I have a presentation. On youth violence & governance. Stupid fucking article I read-- there are no citations, no proof, no indication of where these studies even took place. Bunch of bullshit I bet.